


Sleepwalking

by Franciscorafa09



Category: Twilight (Movies), Twilight Series - All Media Types, Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Cancer, LGBTQ Themes, M/M, Terminal Illnesses, Vampires
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-20
Updated: 2020-12-11
Packaged: 2021-03-06 14:54:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,236
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26000737
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Franciscorafa09/pseuds/Franciscorafa09
Summary: Matthew Swan had a seemingly normal life until a car accident and a trip to the hospital brought him news that he never thought he'd hear. Tired from wasting the rest of his his days in the hospital he decides to move back with his dad, but soon he figures out there's more secrets in that small town than it seems, and maybe there's actually someone there who makes it worth fighting to be alive.
Relationships: Alice Cullen/Jasper Hale, Carlisle Cullen/Esme Cullen, Edward Cullen/Original Male Character(s), Emmett Cullen/Rosalie Hale
Comments: 6
Kudos: 81





	1. Release

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic came from the return of my old obsession with this series (thanks Midnight Sun). I wanted to have my turn at a Edward x Male character but I didn't feel comfortable going with Beau (for those of you who didn't read Life and Death, he is the genderbended version of Bella), since I wanted to bring my own ideas into this fic. So that's how Matthew was born. I'm not sure how much of the canon this version will actually follow as I wanted to bring my own twist to those as well. I'll update at least 2 times per week for now and until further warning.

**I’d never given much thought to how I would die.** That is until I was rushed to the ER six months ago. I had been hanging out with friends and was driving back home when a pounding headache started forming. It wasn’t anything I hadn't experienced before, so I ignored it. They had started to become a frequent thing in my life during the past year, during those last three months alone I could count with my fingers the days where I didn’t have one. I never got around to get it checked though, with mom divorcing dad almost two years ago and having to move 1000 miles away with her to San Diego, I thought it was just all my pent up stress and anxiety. After all, despite the fact quite some time that had passed, everything was still a little difficult… But stress and anxiety don’t all of the sudden make your vision go blurry on the sides and double at the same time, making you lose control of your car. It was pure luck that I had only crashed against a tree, the airbag kicking in immediately. Or maybe it wasn’t. During the X-rays that the doctors performed to check if I didn’t have any internal bleeding due to the concussion I got even with the airbag, they found something much more serious. On the image of the right side of my brain stood a pronounced outline with a different hue. I didn’t get it at first why everyone urgently started writing things down and calling places. Later I’d learn that I had a rare type of brain cancer that was even rarer in my age group. As if that would make me feel fascinated with the whole thing. My prospects were dire according to the doctors, the cancer had grown too large to perform a safe surgery so my solutions were a combination of radiotherapy and chemotherapy, but there were no guarantees that it would be successful. They gave me a year and half left in case the treatment was unsuccessful.

At the time I was pretty hopeful that things would turn out right, I mean I was young, I had just turned 18 so there was no way I could die right? Younger people had better body defences so the chances were infinitely higher that the treatment would be successful! Of course when you’re young and the worst thing that happened to you was a paper cut while going through the pages of your favourite book, you seemed invincible. But as the days turned to months and the smiles of the nurses and doctors that came to visit daily turned from a genuine hope that everything would be alright to a fake pretence, I got to learn I wasn’t so invincible.

Six months into treatment and the best news I got was that they got to slow down considerably the growth of the cancer. Everyone worded it like it was an achievement but I didn’t feel like it was one at all. My skin was paler than before, my hair was always dry and brittle and it was my obsession with doing everything to take care of it that still kept the majority of it in my head. To top everything off, I felt fatigued all the time, there had been times where my friends came to visit and I literally fell asleep while they talked. I was a shell of the person I once was and I hated it, and to what? So that I could stay alive, if you call it that, rotting away in a hospital feeling weaker and weaker by the day. I had overheard some nurse talking with another about my case and how the doctors thought that if the cancer kept this slow rhythm I could last two years and half maybe instead of the initial year and half that they gave me. Great my expiration date had just been slightly extended. Now I could live rot even longer in that place.

One of the great things about being in a hospital is that you had a lot of time to think. Think about your past, your future, your current life choices and thatwas precisely what I was doing. I was tired of fighting for something I knew I’d lose at the end. To suffer just so I could prolong my suffering for longer, like some strange masochistic paradox. I was tired of wasting my life away when there was so much out there to see, no matter if instead of three years I’d only get six months. My mind was set, I’d get out of that place, I was eighteen, I could officially sign the forms and voluntarily release myself from the hospital. That same night I had the talk with my doctor, Dr. Lee, she tried to talk me down, as any sane doctor would, but my I had made my mind and she could see it. After what felt like an eternity of back and forth and the threat of my eyelids closing mid conversation we had reached a deal, I’d leave the hospital but I had to follow a a strict drug prescription and do monthly check ups at the hospital of my choosing and e-mail them to her. All of this was in the hopes that the cancer growth could be kept under the control and all of these months wouldn't go to waste. I reluctantly agreed, the prospect of taking pill after pill seemed off putting but if it meant that at least 6 months of feeling like shit contributed to something I’d take them. Dr. Lee gave me one last look and a fond smile before leaving the room. Things were set, I’d leave the hospital in the morning and with that it would be the re-start of my life.

Despite being quite late in the night, I called my mom to tell the news, or rather my decision. After what seemed like forever she picked the phone. “Matthew? Is something wrong darling?”, she asked quite nervous, I could sense why he usually didn’t call, specially so late at night, “No, well, everything is basically the same… I’m calling because… I decided that… I was going to sign my release from the hospital. I’m going to leave tomorrow morning…”, I had been much more confident in my mind and it showed by the way I could barely form a coherent sentence. The line seemed to go dead for a moment and I started to worry, “Mom?”, I asked in concern. She then finally spoke, “Matthew Evans Swan, I’m not sure if you’re playing a prank on me but this is not funny!”, my mother’s tone seemed to be torn between a mix of a breakdown and anger. I stopped for a moment to think about what I was going to say to my mom, “No I’m not playing a prank… it’s just… I’m not getting any better mom, and before you say it, no my cancer slowing down its growth is not getting better… I don’t feel like I’m me anymore… and… it’s just like I’m wasting the rest of the little time I have locked between these 4 blank walls…”, my mother seemed to be crying on the other side of the line and my heart was aching for a second. After a moment of silence between the two of us, my mother broke the silence, “Sorry… I’ll come pick you up… but I was going to tell you this week, Phil got a new job, it’s in Florida… he invited me to go but I was going to refuse… I couldn’t leave you behind…”. I gulped in dry and took another moment of silence. Phil was my mom’s boyfriend and things had been going great between them, I was happy that she had finally found someone after she had divorced dad. But hearing her say she’d give up her happiness because of me, it was messed up, it only made him realise how much of this cancer thing had destroyed their lives. I sucked in a breath, “No mom… you should go… I… I can move back in with dad, I’ll call him tomorrow and ask if that’s okay”, my mom was about to interrupt when I cut in, “Look I’m really tired, we’ll talk tomorrow okay? Love you mom…”. I hung up and sat my phone on my bedside table. I knew my mom would keep fighting the idea but he wouldn’t let anyone else suffer at his expense. Plus I’m sure that dad would be more than happy to take me in. He got devastated when mom left and took me with her and thanks to being 300 miles away, he only got around to visit two times. I closed my eyes and despite my head being a turmoil of thoughts, my physical fatigue took over quickly and before I knew it I was asleep. As soon as morning came the rest of my life would begin.


	2. A Fresh Start

**When morning came around I was surprisingly rested.** Perhaps it was the prospect that I’d leave this damned place today or that I for once didn’t wake up in the middle of the night to throw up. Anyway I was the happier I had been in the 6 months here.

My mom only came around noon to pick me up, which wasn’t exactly bad. From having fallen asleep so quickly the previous night, I didn’t got around to pack anything. Not that I had much to pack. As my mom had visited me along the months, the amount of clothes I kept in the hospital decreased. After all my hospital garments could be summarised to those horrible tunics where your ass was visible at the back and a pyjama when it got too cold to wear just a tunic. After getting dressed with clothes that didn’t leave my whole backside completely exposed, I was only left with two other outfits, which I quickly shoved into the duffle bag that was kept there for the hopeful day where I’d leave the hospital. Today was the day even though it was probably not the circumstances everyone had envisioned.

Before my mother arrived I decided to call my dad. I thought that if things got settled before my mom bombarded me later, and I was absolutely positive she would, then there was nothing more she could do. I waited for my father to pick up as the small spaced out beeps sounded on my hear. Glancing at the clock that was kept in my room, it read 10:15 AM. My father was probably on his way to work right now, shit, I should hang up. As I was about to do it, I heard rustling on the other side of the line and the familiar voice of my dad, “Matthew? Did something happen?”, his tone seemed urgent and I immediately felt bad, I should have texted first, my father was as awkward as me when it came to calling and for him me calling probably meant that I was in a life threatening situation. “No dad, well actually yeah, I’m going to be released today from hospital… Before you ask, no.. it was me that signed the papers… I’m calling because I wanted to ask you if I could come live with you back in Forks?”. He seemed to go silent for a second and so did I. He was probably trying to sort through his emotions and also find something adequate to say. Finally he broke the silence, “Of course kid, you know you’re always welcome here… but… what about you mother?”. The thing with my dad is that, as much as he’d like to scream with me the way mom did last night, he knew that ultimately it wouldn't lead to anything, I was just as stubborn as my mother was when my mind was set on something. Plus he understood, probably better than my mom, how much suffering I had endured and my desire for a normal life. “I’ve spoken to mom last night, that’s why I’m calling… Apparently Phil wanted her to move to Florida with her and she was going to refuse because of me… I didn’t feel good about that so I said I’d move in with you… Plus we haven’t gotten to see each other much since I got admitted at the hospital…”. It wasn’t a lie,I wanted to spend more time with my dad, the way we left things after the divorce wasn’t exactly the way I wanted things to stay like when I died. I knew my mom would bring the option of me moving in with her and John, but I couldn't ruin her happiness. She had spent too much time caring about me and now it was time she took care of herself. I didn’t want to shift the burden to my father, but one of those times he came visit I overheard him talking on the phone about how much he blamed himself for not being able to be here for me. Maybe this way we could all heal in our own ways. “Alright son… when are you planning to move back?” My father asked. I felt relieved that things could be so easy between us, “by the end of the week if you don’t mind? That’s the time mom was supposed to move and I think it’s enough time for me to pack everything…”. My father muttered an alright and we said our goodbyes before I hung up.

I booked my flight to Seattle for that Friday, while I was still alone. The only positive side of being a cancer patient at 18, that would die in less that two years, was that suddenly the college fund your parents had been building up for you had an entirely different purpose. I was absolutely positive that in other circumstances my mother would have killed me for doing all of this behind her back, but she was going to understand… possibly…

When she got to the hospital I was quickly pulled into her arms. I let out a small chuckle “Mom you’re crushing me…”, I tried to fake a gasp and she quickly let go. “I’m sorry Mattie, it’s just… It makes me happy to see you with clothes again”, she had tears running down her face and to other people it might have sounded ridiculous but I understood her exactly.

I said goodbye to the nurses and the doctors on my way out, things might have not went the way everyone expected but the feeling I got was that everyone seemed a little happy for me. When I got in the car, I caught sight of myself, gosh I really did look sick. My blue eyes seemed dull and I had large dark circles underneath them, my skin was ghostly pale and I was quite skinny, not extremely underweight but definitely on the verge of going from ´average´ to underweight. My once unruly jungle of dark brown hair was now more like a forest where they had started taking down trees. At least with the right styling it could still look decent. My mom interrupted my breakdown about my personal insecurities to drop the bomb I was already expecting, “Matthew about yesterday…”, I didn’t let her finish, “Mom… I told you I don’t want you to stay here because of me, you deserve to be happy with John… plus… I’ve kind of already spoken with dad and booked my flight to Friday?”, I spoke the last part quite quickly and looking down at my feet. After what felt like an eternity in silence I decided to look up and oh god, my mom looked ready to kill. I was about to open my mouth when she exploded, “Sometimes I really wished you weren’t my son!”. My eyes went wide and I felt hurt. “Mom I know I fucked up but really? You’ve got to say that?” My voice cracked and she quickly looked my way shaking her head, “No, sorry… I… it’s just... you really remind me of myself, always so stubborn... without a doubt you got that from me... what I’m trying to say is that, sometimes I regret being like that and I want you to think through things...”. I knew she was also including the release from hospital in the group of ‘things I should think through’. Letting out a sigh, I reach for her hand and give her a small smile, “Mom... I barely have any time left to make any decisions much else regret them... trust me I’ll be fine... plus you can always come visit me in Forks!” I said with a smile. I was perfectly aware my mom hated the place, but I could still try and reassure her.

My dad lived in Forks, a small town situated in the Olympic Peninsula. The city was mostly isolated by a thick forested area around it and not far from the city was the Quileute reservation. When I was a child I used to go there and play with a family friend, Jacob I guess that's how he was called? Still it had been ages since we last seen each other. The thing with Forks was that it was easy to feel trapped in the small town routine, and I I guess that's how my mouther felt, isolated and trapped in a small town with nothing to do. There was probably the issue with the climate as well… Since I can remember Mom had always been fond of the warmth and the sun but the weather in Forks never really reached the point where you could properly go swimming, even in the summer. Plus, from being situated in the Olympic Peninsula the town had a thick veil of clouds most days of the year and an abundance of rain. Some people called it the wettest region in continental US. Of course the reality was that the issue was _them_ , not the weather or the city. Mom and dad started dating young, straight out of high school and held to the belief that a marriage and a child would be the success to a happy marriage. I didn’t blame them, things were easy when you’re young and in love and had little worries. Not that I had actually knew first hand how that was. I had been in the closet until I turned 15, which then sparked a discussion between my parents, or rather my mom sparked a discussion, about how they had to move because Astoria wasn’t progressive enough to raise a gay teenager. I knew that her worry despite having some validation, was mostly a scape goat to convince dad to get out of that place. Astoria wasn’t actually that bad of a place, it wasn’t San Francisco or New York but I wouldn’t get shot as I left my house because of who I was. I was even less worried about it now, to start it was a small town and second I’m dying, dating is definitely something that is not on my to do list before dying.

Sooner than I had expected we were home. It was strange to be back to that place after so many months gone. Despite the familiarity the whole place seemed alien. I wouldn’t get much time to get used to it though as in a few days I’d be in a plane traveling across the west coast. As I entered my bedroom, I took a deep breath. There were pictures of me and my friends on the wall, trips I took during high school or with my parents, me and my friends during spring prom. Unfortunately I never got around to experience my senior one or my graduation, as the cancer thing happened shortly after the spring prom. I never got around to graduate actually, which meant I probably had to go finish high school in Forks if I didn’t drop out. It was tempting, but in a small town there was barely enough to do even with your days occupied with high school, if I just stayed home all day then it’d be no different than being locked in a hospital. It brought a smile to my face as I looked through the pictures, despite the circumstances I was satisfied with the life I had lived.

My mom helped me pack that week. We started by putting the books I had in my shelves in various boxes. I was a bookworm and there was no way I couldn’t take them with me. Then were the pictures of course and some clothes that would take too much space on my luggage. We dropped everything at the post office and moved on to pack my luggage.

Friday came around sooner than I had expected. Mom dropped me off at the airport with more than time to spare for my flight. I knew she didn’t want me to rush around the airport and tire myself too much. Of course and probably say goodbye to me. We were standing in front of the security zone and I could see she was on the verge of crying once again. “Mom I’ll be fine I promise! We don’t need to say goodbye… this isn’t exactly a goodbye it’s more like a see you later…”, I said with a sheepish grin trying to cheer her up. Truth was, I was also on the verge of shedding some tears but I had to keep myself strong for mom. When I heard her chuckle and smile, I knew my job had been successful, “Oh Matthew… You're so grown up!!”. She pulled me into a tight hug which I reciprocated. We stayed like that for a few minutes, neither of us speaking as the silence was enough to comfort each other. Mom was the first to pull away, wiping her face with her arm, “Alright my little boy, go now you have a flight to catch!”, I laughed at the irony of being called a grown up just a few minutes ago and a little boy just know, “I thought I had grown up quite a lot?” I teased with a smile as I started to walk away. She laughed and shouted out, “No matter what you’ll always be my little boy!”.


	3. Forks

Not long after I boarded the flight I fell asleep. Maybe it was the air pressure or being just fresh out of the hospital and having to walk through a huge ass airport but as soon as I sat down at the plane I forgot all about the little annoyances of flying economy and zoned out. When my eyes opened I had a flight attendant gently shaking me and telling me the flight had landed. I looked around in confusion and realised that the plane was empty, everyone had already left. Embarrassedly, I thanked her and apologised at the same time, quickly pulled my bag from the compartment above my seat and got out of the plane as quickly as possible. I was in serious risk of tripping down the stairs and get my ass back in the hospital, considering how fragile my body was, but it would be wroth it for the embarrassment I had just experienced.

Thankfully since I shipped most of my stuff a few days ago, I could ignore the baggage drop and head straight to visitor area. It didn’t take much to spot my dad, and it wasn’t because of his thick caterpillar like moustache, it was because he was the only person dressed in a cop uniform in the whole waiting area of the airport. I tried to shake off the second hand embarrassment and made my way to him. He probably brought his stereotypical police cruiser as well… as if the car ride wouldn’t be awkward enough…

Up close I could see that his badge read `Captain Swan´ instead of just his surname. I raised an eyebrow, a smile crossing my lips, “Someone got a promotion uh?” I teased as we went for an awkward hug. Being bad at displaying our emotions was something that me and my dad both had in common. He shuffled his badge for a moment awkwardly and nodded, “Yeah… the old captain retired a few months ago and well… he didn’t trust anyone but your old father here for the position”. I knew that my father was embarrassed talking about the situation, like me he didn't like to show off. People were always saying I looked a lot like my mom but personality wise I was straight up my dad, either if that was good or not...

I suspected the drive to Forks to be awkward, but _not this awkward_. At the beginning my dad tried to make small talk to ease the silence between us but it didn’t last long. It wasn’t exactly like I didn’t want to talk to my dad but after the sudden departure two years ago and now with this whole cancer thing going on I wasn’t sure how things stood between us. To top it off,this awkward silence would be something I’d have to expect to endure more often, since I didn’t think either Dad or Mom would trust me enough to step foot in the driver’s place ever again. My dad interrupted the silence as we crossed the sign that read ‘Forks, Population 3862’, well 3863 now... “Your hair is longer...”, his voice was soft and kind. I knew he meant well but it still brought a hint of sadness. It was an unintentional reminder that a few months ago while it was short I looked like a rat, “Yeah... I let it grew... with styling it helps hide the fact it isn’t… the same as before...”, my voice sounded more irritated than I intended and my dad went completely silent after that. Gosh I was such a prick. “Sorry dad, I didn’t mean it like that”, he simply nodded in acknowledgment.

Feeling defeated that I had unintentionally acted like a jerk to my dad, I sulked against the car seat and watched as we passed through the thick dense forest.

Around 15 minutes later we got home. My father had never moved out of the house he bought with my mom when they married. It was strange being back at the place where I grew up after being gone for so long. Surprisingly I was glad that everything had stayed the same, except for the shiny black new car that stood in the driveway. I recognised it from one of the times I went looking for a car with my dad after getting my license. At the time this car was way out of budget but it was my secret car crush. This was clearly a newer model which made me even more jealous, whoever owned it was extremely lucky. “Are you having visits over?” I asked as I eyed the black car with interest. My father looked over and quickly seemed to catch up with what I was referring to, letting out an awkward chuckle. At this point I didn’t even consider it to be my dad’s until he dropped the bomb, “Uhmm no Matthew this is actually mine... or should I say yours? Surprise?”. My mouth was clearly hanging open, my dad bought me a car? And that car? After everything that happened? “Wait... wait... Dad? Are you sure? Even after... everything? Where did you even get the money?! You didn’t need to buy me car!”. I was almost bursting with a mixture of happiness, excitement and irritation, my father probably got himself in a big debt because of this. “Yeah I’m sure... you see, that thing has one of those fancy autopilot things and it can also keep itself on the lane or stop if you’re about to hit, that’s what made me comfortable with buying it for you...” he seemed to hesitate as he recalled the events of that day. “About the money, don’t worry about it... I got a nice reward for getting the new position that I used for the upfront cost and well my extra salary is enough to cover the monthly payments... I’m a simple man, I don’t need the extra money and I... I wanted to do something to make you happy while I can...”. My father’s gaze was soft as he spoke, even though my mom usually avoided talking about my future death, my father didn’t shy away from the topic. He knew from all these months in the hospital, that the idea was something that I had gotten used to. His gesture had left me speechless and the most I could do was run to him and hug him tightly. “Thanks Dad! I really mean it when I say that I appreciate it a lot!”, he patted my back and we broke the hug.

I got the room upstairs on the left, which was my old room. Once again everything had stayed the same only more bare as most of the stuff and come with me. The room still had way too many bookshelves, some occupied with books I didn’t get to bring to San Diego. My desk now had a desktop on it that I didn’t remember buying. I’d have to complain to dad later, I didn’t feel comfortable with him spending so much money on me. The bed had been freshly made by the looks of it. Clearly Dad must have been busy since the day I called. He had even thrown on the blanket that my mom made me a few years ago with the T-shirts of the places we had visit when the three of us were a family. It was a sweet touch and I couldn’t help the smile that escaped to my lips.

Since it was getting late and tomorrow was my supposed first day of school I headed downstairs to make some dinner, it was the least I could do for my dad after everything. Scanning the fridge made me realise that groceries was probably something my dad didn’t get around to do. The contents of that large fridge consisted of a pack of beer and a gallon of milk. Note to Matthew, after school head to the grocery store and buy real food. Dad came to the kitchen, just in time to see me finish inspecting the contents of the fridge. His face held a grimace as he scratched his head, “Sorry… I usually eat out and with everything I forgot to do groceries… let’s just order a pizza”. He pulled out his phone and quickly dialled the place, which was probably concerning if not for the early admission of his eating habits. “It’s okay, I’ll do groceries after school tomorrow! And I want a pepperoni one!”. My dad nodded as he chatted away with the person on the other side of the line while ordering a large one, he was for sure a regular at the place. I knew that from this day forward a silent agreement had been made that I was in charge of the kitchen and meal prepping. If in turn there would be something edible and homemade to eat then I was totally okay with it. Between the two of them I knew mom had always been the better cook, even though her experiments sometimes made you doubt it.

We ate the pizza as we watched TV. Dad avoided the sports channel and put some romcom that he probably thought I’d enjoy. I was too embarrassed to tell him I had no interest in him. As usual my head was a turmoil as soon as I laid down so I popped a sleeping pill and soon I was knocked into a blissful, deep sleep. There probably was something bad about taking sleeping pills without even trying to fall asleep first, but I needed the rest. I already looked sick, no reason to make people think I was an actual zombie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, so here are the first three chapters. I’m planning on updating quite often, at least twice per week, but I can’t make any commitments yet. Hopefully I’ll be able to finish chapter 4, where Matthew finally meets the Cullens, either today or tomorrow (I feel guilty about posting this fic without the most important part). I’d appreciate any feedback and I’m thankful for anyone that is reading it.


	4. The Cullens

**School turned out to be my worst nightmare**. I woke up that morning feeling excited, even if slightly nervous. School in a small town can be rough, especially when you’re the new kid (or former resident actually). Unfortunately, due to the lost year of school, I wasn’t expecting to see any of my old classmates, they probably had all graduated already. Not that I minded exactly, I’d rather not have to explain to any of them the last few months in the hospital or the fact that I’d die soon. Considering this was a small town and I was the son of the new police captain I’m pretty sure that if there was someone that didn’t know about me they’d soon after all word travels fast in such a small town.

After getting dressed and making sure my hair was styled to perfection, I smiled at myself in the mirror in satisfaction, I may not look perfect but it was acceptable. My chocolate brown hair didn’t look like shit anymore and after covering the noticeable dark circles underneath my green eyes, my pale skin actually looked pleasant to look it. I went from the sick looking to someone who just looked like he had a rough night.

Downstairs, my dad was already having breakfast. “Morning dad!” I announced trying to sound properly excited. He just nodded with a mouthful of cereal. I didn’t bother looking for anything else to eat since that’s probably all he kept for breakfast. Pouring myself a bowl, I quickly started on my meal. Dad took a look at me inspecting me up and down quickly. He was about to open his mouth when he closed it. He probably still felt guilty about yesterday’s situation in the car, “yeah I told you, with the right way I look alright”, I tried to make my voice as cheerful and playful as possible. My dad seemed more at ease now and let out an awkward chuckle, “Shouldn’t have doubted it... I’m afraid soon I’ll have some guy knocking on my door…”. This brought an immediate blush to my face and I let out a groan, “Dad!! I’m not here to date alright? Besides I was unable to find a boyfriend back in San Diego what makes you think that here, in small-town Forks, I’ll suddenly find one?”, I tried to sound sarcastic but a small smile escaped to my lips, at least he was being quite accepting about the whole gay thing. Dad simply shrugged, “who knows,what makes you so sure you won’t?”. I didn’t have an answer for that.

As I stepped into the car, all my easygoing attitude quickly washed down the drain. I felt my hands shake as old memories were brought up. Memories of a pounding headache, of road lanes getting blurry… Of me seeing headlights coming in my direction and quickly shifting the wheel to avoid the impact before realizing there had been no car coming in my direction… but now it was too late to shift direction as the car went in the direction of a tree.

I snapped out of it when I felt someone sitting down next to me. My dad was looking at me with a worried look, “If… if you don’t feel okay to drive I can drive you to school. I don’t want you to feel pressured to do anything…”. I didn’t answer at first and took a couple of deep breaths, I was scared without a doubt but at the same time, I didn’t want the fear to dominate me. I left that hospital for a reason after all. After what felt like an eternity I managed to look at my dad, “No… I think I’ll be able to do it… can I just ask you to stay here while I pull the car out of the driveway?” I pleaded. My father nodded and I took my time adjusting the mirrors. I didn’t need to but I was buying time. I turned on the car and I was surprised by the lack of noise, I quickly looked over at my dad with a surprised expression “Electric?”, I asked feeling another argument starting to form, now it was also his electric bill that would go through the roof. He simply nodded “yeah now let’s get going”. I put the car in reverse and slowly started making my way out of the driveway when I noticed a light flashing on the mainboard, “Uhhh weird what’s that?”, I pressed the button and suddenly the car took control and in 3 seconds we were on the street. I stared at it incredulously while my father laughed. Okay, maybe I should trust the car more. My father turned to me with a small smile, “Are you alright with me stepping out now?”. My anxiety had calmed down by now and I smiled back, “Yeah I am, thanks dad”, he simply smiled, squeezed my shoulder, and headed out. I connected my phone to the car and quickly put my music on shuffle as I drove at a pace that I felt safe about.

It had been safe to say that my fears were completely unfounded, the car drive went without a struggle and the car was simply everything I could have dreamed about. Even when I slightly moved the wheel out of the center of the lane, it corrected itself and stayed perfectly in place. However, I couldn’t say the same about my fears about high school. To start I was the only kid with a car not made before the year 2005, except for someone who had a shiny silver Volvo, which meant that I immediately attracted attention as I pulled into the school parking lot. Then as soon as I stepped out of the car people looked at me like I had a sign above my head that said ‘It’s me the new kid with cancer’. I could swear that I could even hear some of them muttering my name as I walked by.

Dad had picked up my class schedule the day before so that I didn’t have to lose time this morning doing it. First was History and I remembered exactly where the class was so I made my way there. Soon enough a small figure with dirty blonde hair intercepted me on my to class. I stopped in time to not crash with her. I looked at her with a slightly annoyed expression and raising an eyebrow, “Uhmm hey?”. The girl smiled widely and didn’t waste another moment of their silence, “You're Matthew Swan right? The new kid that just moved back?”, she spoke quickly and in a slightly preppy high pitch. For sure she was one of those girls that loved gossip. I sighed and nodded, “Yeah that's me… why do you ask?”, so I had been right, it wasn’t just my imagination, everyone already knew who I was. The girl cut my internal turmoil with her too happy tone, “I’m Jessica Stanley, I just wanted to introduce myself and ask if you needed help with anything at all?”, she seemed a bit too excited about ‘helping’ and I was worried that I’d soon have to pull out the ‘I’m gay, sorry’ speech. For now, I refrained from causing drama and put on a fake smile on my face, “thanks but I really don’t need to… I grew up here and I remember the school”. I started walking again and Jessica tagged along, great so she clearly couldn’t read the room. “Ohh yeah, I knew that I just wanted to ask cause any way you know…” she seemed more awkward now and I was pretty sure the ‘any way you know’ referred to my cancer situation. I had every right to be rude to this girl at this moment but I knew that it would only backfire and the whole school would comment on it for weeks. So I stayed quiet and sucked up the small talk all the way to History, which we conveniently shared…

The rest of the morning went uneventful. Jessica also had Trigonometry with me, so I had to endure two more hours of the overly excited girl. Maybe I was being harsh on the girl but there was something weird about her, especially since I caught a glimpse of how she spoke to other people. Let’s just say that, if she had used that amount of bitchyness the first time we spoke, I wouldn’t have cared about reputation and would have made a scene.

Thankfully I was able to get a break from her when it was time for English, but not before she made sure she presented me on of her friends. I was already dreading another Jessica 2.0, but the black-haired girl named Angela was surprisingly nice. I say surprisingly because she just didn’t seem like the type of girl to hang out with Jessica. She was quiet, didn’t intrude too much on anyone’s lives, and was just generally a nice person. I was curious about how she and Jessica got around to be friends...

When class started me and Angela didn’t get to talk much more. The teacher was pretty insistent about the ‘no talking in class rule’ and Angela didn’t seem like much of the troublemaker.

Jessica met us on our way to the cafeteria. Some part of me had hoped that she had forgotten about my existence but she clearly seemed too excited about it. I got pulled along to sit at their now slightly overcrowded lunch table, which consisted of Jessica and Angela, plus Mike, who seemed to be your all-around American boy, and Eric, a skinny, dark-haired boy who Jessica informed me was part of the school paper committee. At one point in the conversation, Eric turned to me and asked if I’d be fine with giving an interview about my _situation._ Panic was stricken across my face and was pretty tangible as I tried to find an excuse to say no. It was hard enough being the new kid, so having your face all over the school newspaper, with some kind of story that made you seem like a charity case wasn’t something I would agree to. Jessica intervened before I could say anything and shot a glare at Eric, telling him that he should drop the idea. This was probably the first time I was thankful for something that Jessica said.

My eyes scanned around the cafeteria, taking the sight of the all too white room, as I tried to find an escape from the awkward moment of earlier. Then they walked in. All five of them looked like models straight out of a high fashion magazine, their pale skin, almost as white as snow, somehow enhancing their features instead of making them look sick. I couldn't move my gaze from them as they sat down at the far corner of the cafeteria. Thankfully, and before any of them could notice me staring and thinking I was a creep, I was able to look away and back at my food tray. I couldn't help myself from taking another glance at them, which unfortunately Jessica caught me doing. She glanced in the same direction that I did, her neutral expression turning into a smile. "Those are the Cullens..." she provided without me asking, "they're all Dr. Cullen's adoptive children... and they're kinda like together _together"._ It took me a moment to catch up to what she was implying, one of my eyebrows raised in curiosity. Of course, she continued without me asking, "the blonde gorgeous one is Rosalie, she is together with the tall buffy one, Emmett. The short one with black hair in a pixie cut is Alice, she is... _weird...",_ Jessica seemed to grimace at some thought, "the blonde guy that seems to always be in pain is Jasper, he's together with Alice. As you can see Dr. Cullen and his wife are some sorts of crazy matchmakers slash adoptive parents." I could definitively pick some sort of jealousy coming from her tone when Angela commented, "I wish they could adopt me..." she admitted with a dreamy expression on her face, gaining a small chuckle from me. I turn to take a second glance at the Cullens, thankful that all of them were too busy with each other to notice me, realizing now that Jessica didn't offer her insight on one of them, "who is the bronze haired guy?". Without even looking, Jessica looked at me with a strange expression on her face "That's Edward Cullen... totally gorgeous but keeps mostly to himself and has a kind of 'I'm too good for anyone' attitude". The resentment was clear in her tone and I wondered how many times she had tried her luck and got turned down. I stole another glance at the table, and like if he had heard our conversation, Edward Cullen was staring in my direction. His gaze was _magnetic_ and I couldn't look away even if I tried. His face had a neutral but hard expression and his dark, black eyes held no clear emotion. I stared back at him, our eyes locking for what felt like an eternity until he broke eye contact, seeming quite irritated at something. I stared down at our table trying to hold back the flush from my face, I literally just stared like a creep to that guy... what a great way to start my first day of school.

Thankfully both Angela and Jessica were too deep in their conversation to have noticed the utter embarrassment I was going through. A few minutes later, the five of them left the table together. They were all too graceful, more than any person had the right to, even the tall buffy one. I sat there for longer than I'd have if I was alone, still feeling embarrassed at myself about my behavior with the Cullens. 

Angela kindly reminded me that we had Biology together and we left first, not wanting to be late for my first day. We went to class together in silence, I could tell that I'd enjoy being friends with her. When we entered the classroom, Angela went to sit at a black-topped lab table that I was all too familiar with. Unfortunately, she already had a neighbor, in fact, all of the tables were filled, except the one next to Edward Cullen... the guy I had just stared doing lunch. Feeling my face flush slightly, I hoped that Mr. Banner would conjure a table out of thin air and save me the embarrassment of sitting next to him. Of course, as soon as we were done with introductions, he motioned me to go sit next to Edward. As I approached, he suddenly went rigid like my presence was something utterly disgusting to him. I sat down in silence, noticing from the corner of my eyes as his hands curled into fists and moved to sit the farthest he could from me. ‘This can’t all be because of earlier can it?’ I thought in panic. I subtly even leaned down to smell myself, even though I knew I had showered and was wearing a clean pair of clothes, and nope I smelled nice, sandalwood and fresh laundry.   
I wanted to speak out and say something to Edward, but what? ‘Hey Edward sorry for staring at you earlier! My name is Matthew by the way!’, that was just ridiculous, as far as I knew he also stared back at me so there was no reason for his behavior. I let my head fall onto my arms on the table, taking a second to gather myself before class started. His face was a mix of pure hatred and something darker, as I glanced at him for a second. His expression, despite how rigid his face was, clearly showed what he was feeling, even if I was completely confused as to why. The phrase 'if looks could kill´ suddenly ran through my mind. Then I noticed his eyes, black as coal. I had known from our staring in the cafeteria that his eyes were dark, but I didn’t know they were *this dark*. Edward seemed dangerous, like a serial killer or something that your mind would conjure during a nightmare.

Mr. Banner started the class and I sat back against my seat, keeping my distance from Edward while at the same time, trying to forget about this whole situation and pay attention to the class.  
Unfortunately, I didn’t do much of a good job at that. The class seemed to last an eternity and I was grateful for taking AP Biology back at my old school, at least I wasn’t losing anything important. At some point, I gathered that we were talking about cellular anatomy, something I was quite familiar with. 

Edward rose from his seat the exact moment the bell rang, grabbing his book and leaving the classroom before anyone could process that the bell rang. I stayed on my seat trying to process what had just happened but there was no other logical explanation other than Edward hated me, for what reason? I don't know. As I got up from my seat and gathered my stuff a blonde guy approached me, his face familiar from lunch. When he noticed that he had gotten my attention, he showed me a beaming smile, "Hi! You're Matthew right?", I nodded a bit curious as to why he was talking to me. His smile only seemed to grow wider, "I'm Mike, we sat together during lunch? Anyway I was wondering if you needed help finding your next class?". I tried to conjure up a smile, even though the whole situation was a bit awkward, "Oh I'm fine, it's gym so I think I can handle it!". His eyes went wide and I knew I'd regret having said it, "That's also my next class as well! We should go together!". I just gave a small smile and sighed internally, I really wanted some alone time to process the whole Edward Cullen situation.

As if he could figure out what I'm thinking, he quickly spoke, "So, did you stab Edward Cullen with a pencil or what?". So that really wasn't his normal behavior... Wanting to know more without sounding too eager I decided to play dumb, "Is that the guy I was sat next to?. Mike nodded, "Yeah, he looked like he was in pain or something". So someone else did notice... I shrugged and tried to play it cool, "I didn't even speak to him...". Mike looked confused but suddenly smiled at me "Don't bother he's weird... if I got to sit by you I'd definitely talk to you!". That sounded strangely like flirting and if so, I'd have to break the news to Mike that I wasn't looking to date anyone.

After gym, which I didn't have to actively part of thanks to my health issues, I had to go to the administration office to finish signing some stuff about the transfer. I almost turned around as soon as I got there. _He_ was there. Thankfully he hadn't noticed me walking in, so I leaned against the back wall waiting for my turn. He was arguing with the lady in his velvet-smooth voice about trading sixth-hour Biology to another time, any other time. This couldn't possibly be because of me, right? He must have already be annoyed by something when I walked in, there was no way someone could feel so strongly about anyone they just met.

The door opened once again and the cold wind suddenly gushed through the room, rustling the papers on the desk. The girl that walked in merely stepped to the desk, placed a paper in the wire basket, and walked out again. But Edward's back suddenly stiffened and he slowly glared at me - his face was ridiculously perfect, not even one tiny flaw to make him seem human—with piercing, hate-filled eyes. For an instant, I felt the oddest thrill of genuine fear, raising the hair on my arms.The look only lasted a second, but it was colder than the freezing wind. He turned back to the receptionist, muttered something, and walked back out.

I stood there, both terrified, confused, and incapable of moving. Once my brain started working properly once again, I walked to the desk, signed whatever I had to without thinking, and walked back out in the direction of the parking lot. When I got to the car, it was almost the last one in the parking lot. It seemed like a haven after the crazy day I had. I sat inside for a while, just staring out of the windshield blankly until I got too cold and had to turn on the heater. I quickly turned on the ignition and pulled out of the parking lot, in the direction of my father's house, trying to forget about this whole crazy day. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!! To start I’d really like to apologize for the long time that it took me to update this. Life has been crazy lately and then university started once again so I haven’t felt very motivated to write. I’ll try to post an update at least every two weeks, but it will all depend on my workloads. If I manage to write it sooner I’ll definitely update before that. To try and make up for the long time, I tried to make this chapter bigger (initially I thought about doing the Biology scene in the next chapter). I’m thinking of changing the POV to Edward in the next chapter or maybe a future one, so please tell me what you’d think about that idea. Thank you all once again, for your support and if you’re enjoying it please comment and leave kudos, I really appreciate it!


	5. Gone

**The next day Edward didn't show up to school.** Or the day after. I was confused as how just my presence had been enough to make him skip school for a week in a row. Every day at the cafeteria, my eyes wandered in the direction of the table on the far corner of the cafeteria, but he was never there and his family acted like he wasn't gone.  
  
I walked into Biology that day and to no surprise, the table was empty. Mr. Banner started to distribute microscopes around the class along with various glass slides. I had my head down in my notebook but could feel the presence of someone quietly sitting down next to me. My heart started to beat faster, no it couldn't be him, he hadn't been at the cafeteria today and had been gone for a week. A smooth voice broke my thoughts and I immediately recognised the owner of it. "Hello", he spoke with a smooth, melodious tone and I instantly turned my head, unable to not focus on Edward. "I don't think I got a chance to introduce myself last week, I'm Edward Cullen. You're Matthew right?". Suddenly it seemed like I was unable to produce speech. Edward Cullen was speaking to me. The guy that tried to change classes and skipped school one week was suddenly speaking to me. Something in my silence seemed to confuse him, "I'm sorry, do you prefer to be called Matt?". I opened my mouth and quickly spoke "No, it's Matthew... Matthew's fine...". He didn't like to be called Matt, it sounded like a dumb frat jock name but he was sure his dad called him that behind his back. Charlie wasn't exactly silent about the fact he disagreed with Renée about calling me by my whole name all the time.

Mr. Banner started the class and I was secretly grateful, I needed the time to process that Edward had decided to talk to me. Turns out that I wouldn't have much time for that, since we were supposed to work in pairs. Edward pushed the microscope close to me at the same time I reached for it. His cold hand touched mine, and a shiver ran down my spine. He mumbled an apology and I just nodded, sliding one of the glass slides onto the microscope and taking a peek, “Prophase”, I said confidently, trying to show off a bit and thankful that my AP placement back in San Diego was worth something. “Do you mind if I check?”, he asked a crooked smile on his face. Usually I’d get defensive about being doubted but with Edward it was difficult to feel that way. “Prophase”, he confirmed, making a smirk appear on my face, “Like I said...”. Edward only answered me with one of his crooked smiles, sliding the next glass slide on. “Anaphase” he announced and I reached for the microscope, about to have some payback, “Mind if I check?”. A chuckle escaped his lips and he shook his head. Damn, he was right, “Anaphase”, I confirmed reluctantly, making Edward instantly grin, “Like I said...”, he teased playfully. It was a strange thing to see Edward so playful after the _show,_ the week before. We continued this back and forth, working mostly in silence the rest of the time. It was clear that we were the first to finish, Jessica and Angela were gossiping and Mike and his lab partner had a book open under a table. 

  
Edward broke my thoughts once more and the silence that had settled between us, "So you're enjoying the rain?". I looked at him dumbfounded but tried to speak this time, "You're asking me about the weather?". ‘Damn Matthew really? Couldn’t you say yes or no?’ I thought to myself. He cracked another small crooked smile, "I guess I am...". I gulped and looked away from his too perfect face, that was making a mess of my head, "Uhmm... yeah I guess. It’s different from San Diego... I’m not used to cold or wet, not the biggest fan...”. Edward suddenly let out a small chuckle, like he was laughing at some private joke. He then turned serious, in a blink of a second. His mood swings were definitely throwing me off. “So if you don’t enjoy the rain that much, why did you decided to move to the wettest place in continental U.S?”. I looked down and sighed, not sure if I wanted to spill all my life drama with a guy who I just met and ignored me for a week. “It’s complicated...”, he quickly answer back, clearly not accepting no for an answer, “I’m sure I can follow.”. I let out another sigh, “I got voluntarily discharged from the hospital and I found out my mom was going to refuse moving with her boyfriend to Florida so that she could stay with me while I was still at the hospital. I didn’t feel like that was right.... I could have gone with them but he moves a lot and that’s not that good for my health... besides it wouldn’t be long until I’d have to go back to a hospital and make her trapped. So I decided to make everyone happy and move back with my dad!”. I felt like crying, but I wouldn’t do that in front of Edward. “And now you’re unhappy”, he said it as a fact not a question. I looked away and shrugged, “I like living with Charlie and I’m just happy I got out of the hospital for now...”. Edward looked confused and I knew he was debating if he should ask the question that he was about to do, “you keep saying for now? What’s the reason?”. I played with the edge of my book and tried to come up with what was the best way to tell someone you were going to die. “I was diagnosed with a brain tumour about a year ago and have been in the hospital ever since. The doctors gave me less than two years with constant treatment to live, so when I turned 18 a few weeks ago I decided that I was done with it and I’d live the rest of time that I have, whatever it is...”. At least Edward didn’t start with the theatrics of guilt and suddenly treating me like a hopeless case, like most people did. Not that I exactly saw Edward acting that way. “I’m sorry for that Matthew.”.   
  


I only had time to shrug before Mr. Banner interrupted us, checking why we weren’t working. He checked our answers, turning to Edward, “Didn’t you think of letting Matthew have a go?”. Edward smiled, his overly polite persona taking over, “Actually Matthew answered 3 out of 5”. The teacher sounded surprised and turned to me this time, “have you done this before?”. I shook my head, “not with onion root...”, he raised his eyebrows, “whitefish blastula?”, he inquired further and I nodded. “Were you in an advanced placement program?”, I wasn’t sure if I should lie but I don’t think I’d get anything out of it, “Yes I was”. Mr. Banner seemed to appreciate it, “Then it’s a good thing that you two are partners.”.  
The bell rang and Edward got up swiftly, like last time, not even saying a goodbye.

Mike approached me and walked with me to gym class, “Man that was tough! You’re lucky that you did it with Edward Cullen!”. I didn’t like the assumption that I didn’t work anything and quickly added, “It wasn’t that difficult, besides I did most of the work”. Mike seemed taken back and it felt me feel like a jerk for snapping back like that, “I did it before though...”. Mike seemed to relax and he walked the rest of the way to gym making small talk.

Thankfully everyone had enough sense to not make me play and possibly have the basketball ball hit my head, so I happily sat in the bleachers watching class. I got home that day and felt more tired than ever. Interacting with Edward Cullen had been unexpectedly draining. That night I settled to just reheat some left overs, take a quick shower and head to bed. Hopefully Edward Cullen wouldn’t be gone the following day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm very sorry that I haven't updated this in a while, I completely underestimated how much work I'd have this semester. Thankfully it is over and I'm now on Christmas break! I'll try to make up for the updates lost and do my best to advance this fic before my next semester begins. As a little treat to try and make up for everything, I recreated Matthew on a website that I saw on Tiktok! I hope everyone likes it! https://imgur.com/a/17lxXmB


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